Self-fullness

One of the barriers we can bump up against in committing ourselves to inner work is the feeling that time to focus on ourselves is selfish. “Who do you think you are,” “why can’t you just be grateful for what you have,” and other familiar refrains are echoes from our past that keep us locked into old patterns that do not serve who we are becoming. It seems we often have to come to a crisis point before we will take any time at all for ourselves.

I’ve been mulling over this idea of selfishness and looking for a less activating term to use but wasn’t coming up with anything that fit. Gratefully, the mystery intervened.

Joan Borysenko’s A Woman’s Book of Life has sat on my shelf unread for many years, its pristine spine still intact. I walk by the bookshelf that houses it several times a day. This week the book jumped off the shelf at me, the way that an answer you’ve been waiting for will do to get your attention. I opened it to a random page and began reading:

We realize the difference between selfishness and self-fullness. When we are self-full, true to our own perceptions, opinions, and needs, we don’t have to worry about being selfish. We can depend upon our inherent compassion to do the right thing for all concerned. Even when our actions may disappoint others, we can see beyond the need to please people constantly, to the wisdom of allowing others to find their own strengths.

This is the wisdom of the feminine. Both the message and the process of receiving it are indicative of the deep wisdom available to us when we stop striving to please and can relax into our self-fullness.

First, the process. Live in the question about selfishness without the rush to find an answer. Stay open and trust that the information I am seeking will come. Be alert to what’s vying for my attention – the book jumping off the shelf. Take action – open it and randomly choose a passage to read. Trust that whatever shows up is what’s needed. It may be an answer (in this case), a new idea, or the next ­­­­­­­­step on the trail.

Second, the content. In this case it was completely clear – the answer to my question about selfishness. In other instances the message may be more abstract. Like a riddle or Zen koan, it may require further reflection over time. We may receive information in a dream or keep hearing the same song everywhere we go not realizing there is a message in the lyrics. We may miss the message completely if we’re expecting it to come wrapped in a certain package or in a particular way.

Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous. – Albert Einstein

These are aspects of the intuitive, receptive, allowing nature of the feminine that resides in each of us whether we inhabit a female or male body. Some of us explain it away as coincidence or serendipity. How many times have we ignored “something told me” to our detriment? More importantly, track the times when you did follow that whisper into a surprising and wonderful experience.

Taking action by following our inner guidance develops trust in the mystery. The “invisible hand” is a powerful and creative resource that is always available to us if we call on it. When we take action it also sends the signal: “I’m listening, please tell me more.”