Mending in the Mountains

I just returned from Montana where I was invited to be the guest speaker at Mending in the Mountains, an annual retreat in Big Sky for women who have experienced cancer. The retreat is the brainchild of the Cancer Support Community of Montana and featured a compassionately designed agenda of talks, workshops, support groups, recreation, and self care. It takes place at the relaxing 320 Guest Ranch surrounded by stunning views of the Montana mountains.  Thanks to the generosity of their sponsors, it is completely free to participants.

The 75 women who came brought a diversity of age, education, stages of life, personal growth, and dancing ability (more about that in a minute.) There was a broad spectrum of types of cancer, stages of treatment, and time since diagnosis, remission and cure. Unlike the dense population of California where I hail from, these women came from the far flung corners of Montana for a weekend to connect, nurture, heal, and learn from each other.

This is a no bullshit crowd. When I originally suggested “The Gifts of Cancer” as a topic it was gently suggested that, uh, yeah, that won’t go over here.  California touchy feely speak doesn’t fly with these gals. It required me to show up and be vulnerable. That expectation kept it real. An awkward moment when I completely forgot what I was about to say was met with roars of laughter when I admitted it out loud. From then on we were in it together. They even taught me how to say “creek” in Montanan. (Rhymes with brick.)

I felt tender sharing my cancer story and what I’ve learned. I was inspired by the grit, courage, and resiliency of these women, some of whom feel very isolated in the small towns they come from. Some have had a rougher road than others though this is not an environment where competition is present. We were all there as equals.

In the initial preparation, my mind and ego wanted to make this a structured talk like I would give in a workshop. Luckily, I quickly got that all I needed was to be myself. That’s all we ever need, really. Some situations can trigger a default to old behavior of pleasing and proving. This, thankfully, was not one of them. Even though I was responsible for 3 major sessions of the agenda, I was more relaxed than I’ve ever been in talking to a group.

I realized that the tried and true format used for sharing your story in Alcoholics Anonymous was appropriate here within the context of cancer: What it was like, What happened, What it’s like now.  Keep it simple. We are each the expert in our own experience. I was just one among 75 other women who’ve experienced cancer sharing my experience, strength, and hope.

The biggest surprise and greatest inspiration was the dance party on Saturday night. Diamond Rock and Soul is the musical husband and wife team who stopped charging for this gig 3 years ago because they get so much out of it. Collette playfully worked the room, encouraging brave souls to join her on vocals. Kenny is brilliant on guitar with an eclectic range from country to hip hop.

On the dance floor was everything from sweats to sparkly cowgirl bling. Tattoos to turbans. Two step and line dances to the Worm. Women who were reserved and quiet during the day sessions came to life on the dance floor. A dance routine to Ice Ice Baby by some of the younger set brought the house down. “How low can you go” broke new ground in youthful flexibility. Solos and duets were greeted with roars of encouragement. Not a hint of judgement for miles around. Living full out.

The retreat was a nourishing time for body, mind, and spirit. A time to be together in the healing beauty of nature, connect with one another and know ourselves in community. I am deeply grateful to have been invited. I learned much more than I taught.

The beauty of their faces in the closing circle brought me to tears. As did the two ladies holding hands who were scared to walk to the center by themselves yet found the courage to do it together. This was a theme throughout the weekend. At whatever point we are at in the journey, we can accept a hand and offer a hand.

There were so many moments, so many tears, so much laughter, wisdom, and acceptance. I didn’t get what I expected. I got exactly what I needed. From the reluctance of everyone to break from the closing circle, I suspect I wasn’t alone.

One Response to “Mending in the Mountains”

1. Maureen says:

   September 25, 2015 at 8:26 am

   Hi Mary – What a beautiful picture of Montana to go with your beautiful summary of the Mending experience. Thank you so much for ‘keeping it real’ and joining us by sharing your journey in such a heartfelt manner. I hope somehow someway our paths will cross again. xoxo Maureen from Michigan

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