Threshold Birthdays – Just Another Day?
Even though in reality it’s just another day, it can be unsettling when we mark the passage from an age that ends with 9 to the next that ends with 0. Sometimes it’s exciting. Other times, not so much. If not attended to well, these transitions can be a minefield of self-criticism and shoulda, coulda, woulda: have done more, be somewhere else, have more to show, be over this (fill in the blank).
It bewilders me as I approach the big 0 that follows 59, that more of my life is behind me than lies ahead. How the hell …? In the blink of an eye, it seems. On one hand, I feel better than I ever have. On the other, I am in frequent negotiations with my body on subjects I never even thought about 10 years ago.
In her cross-cultural research on wisdom practices, Angeles Arrien found that every decade comes with a gift, a challenge, and an important teacher. We can always trust Angie to discover a creative and empowering way to reflect on our lives and the passage of time.
In looking back on my last 4 decades as an adult I am profoundly grateful for the gifts: the opportunities, relationships, health, resources, and privileges that I have enjoyed. Yet it is the significant challenges of my life that have most shaped the woman I am today: coming out in my 20’s, getting sober in my 30’s, starting my own business in my 40’s, and cancer in my 50’s.
Where we meet challenge is where character is developed. Challenge presents the opportunity to stand by our strengths, experience, and inner resources – to know what we are made of. To navigate challenge successfully is to be curious, courageous, and open to learning.
Like an old skin that we have outgrown, we are invited to shed outdated, false parts of ourselves – behaviors and beliefs based on old fears that we adopted in order to survive difficult circumstances. The thing is, most of us aren’t living in those circumstances any more but are still behaving as though we are in danger. We are in jet-lag as to who we’ve become.
I say this is an invitation because we live in a world of free choice. Holding onto past resentments or justifying old fears might keep us entertained for a while but in the long run is a stalling tactic that becomes quite unattractive in adults. Playing the victim isn’t a good look on anyone.
To paraphrase an old joke: we spend the first two years of our lives with everyone encouraging us to walk and talk, the next 18 being told to sit down and shut up, and the following 30 recovering from the mixed messages.
What I enjoy most about aging is that with each decade comes a new level of not giving a whit about outside expectations. With each year, I relax more into who I am becoming and feel more true to myself. The freedom that came with grey hair was an entirely unexpected bonus. I benefit from coming into midlife with a generation that is revolutionizing what it means to age. The opportunities to contribute in new ways are limitless.
Midlife is a time of liberation – some call it a second adolescence – when we are coming home to ourselves. It is a time to give up performance and pleasing others to re-imagine how we want to live and contribute. It’s a time to follow forgotten dreams. It’s the time to do the things we didn’t allow the time or energy for when we were nurturing, achieving, and giving all of ourselves to others.
This is the time for a major shift in life from ambition to meaning. It is the time to integrate the inner work of mind and spirit with outer work of service and action for the common good. These are the wisdom years.
As I stand on the threshold of a new decade, my imagination is sparked by wonderings. What will I learn about love in the next 10 years? How will my creativity be expressed? How can I make a greater impact? What can I offer to the next generation(s) that will be of mutual benefit and learning?
One thing I know to be true. It will be a grand adventure and it will not be boring!
Celebrate the threshold birthday in your life at Women at the Well: Transitions.
June 5-7, 2015
Pescadero, CA
EARLY DISCOUNT UNTIL MAY 5, 2015
2 Responses to “Threshold Birthdays – Just Another Day?”
Leave a Reply
I am a speaker, teacher, writer, and artist working at the convergence of self-care, spirituality, and self-expression.
A Creative Conspirator - an inciter of whatever makes you come alive, an excavator of buried gifts and talents, a fresh breeze that fans the smoldering embers of abandoned creativity. Read More>
One of your best! As always, thank you for all the work you have done and for sharing the wisdom gained, in your clear authentic voice.
Wood, plastic, shderded debris .. judgments gently soothed by gentle breeze in dancing backyard grass and filtered, flickering light from tree limbs and leaves. Feeling caring connection with Earth on this full moon day.