Release, Receive, Return

Initiation is the ancient term for what today we call transitions. In ancient times initiations were ritualized and we would be mentored through them by elders and wisdom keepers. Today, unfortunately, we are mostly on our own.

Initiations often come on suddenly – through an accident, diagnosis, outside circumstance, death, or as the result of the initiation of a loved one that has a direct impact on us. Other times it begins as an inner rumble, irritation, or itch we can’t quite scratch.

An initiatory process requires us to enter into the unknown, preparing ourselves to open to what lies ahead without any hint as to what we will meet. We are required to let go of what is familiar. It is where what is no longer essential is released – discarded to reveal our true nature. What is important to us comes into high relief. The only guarantee in an initiation is that it will be uncomfortable. Navigating them consciously is not for the faint of heart.

This time last year I was in France on a personal pilgrimage to Chartres Cathedral. It was close to the year anniversary of a life changing initiation for me – completing my treatment for throat cancer. I wanted to celebrate the end of that journey and my return to good health. It coincided with turning 59 and the impending initiation into a new decade. I felt a calling to ritualize this time in a meaningful way. Additionally, my beloved teacher and mentor had died the month before. The trip felt as much a pilgrimage of honor to her as she was pivotal in preparing me for the journey.

I was initially drawn to Chartres for the labyrinth that lies there, created in stone on the floor of the nave sometime in the early 1200s. There is much mystery and mythology surrounding the cathedral and the labyrinth. No existing records remain.

Housed deep in the womb of the cathedral is a crypt housing a Black Madonna. Gazing up at her statue as I prepared myself to walk the labyrinth, I experienced a profound communion, my soul’s recognition of the Divine.

Sitting in the deep peace of the crypt I became aware that my busy mind was preoccupied with expectations of what I hoped for from this walk. Although it is suggested not to expect a big “Ah Ha” or lightening bolt from the heavens, I found it challenging to manage my mental machinations.

In a moment of absolute clarity as to what was working me, I released all expectations of the walk. What followed was the most peaceful walk I have yet to experience in a labyrinth. Releasing the performance anxiety that I had felt on prior walks completely freed me up to be open to whatever came.

As I approached the center of the labyrinth, I was surprised to receive a simple, clear, and, yes, unexpected message: “You have nothing to be afraid of.” An overwhelming sense of peace and liberation came over me. Smiling from ear to ear, I felt a lightness in my steps on the return from center.

It’s now a year later and I am about to embark on another journey to the third Women at the Well retreat. These retreats came into being upon my return from Chartres, gestating through last summer and fall, coming to life this past New Year. Whenever I felt wobbly as this new form was emerging, I would call up my experience at the center, reminding myself I don’t have to be afraid. This new work is my return from the pilgrimage. My remembering to remember the message I received when I got back home. A mystical version of “Build it, they will come.”

5 Responses to “Release, Receive, Return”

1. Justine Durrell says:

   June 4, 2015 at 8:25 am

   Mirror of life’s journey on many levels. Happy to see you returning to the well, again and again.

   Reply
   • Mary Corrigan says:

     June 5, 2015 at 9:28 am

     Thanks, Justine. I’m very happy about it as well.

     Reply
2. Connie says:

   June 4, 2015 at 11:14 am

   What a beautiful story from a beautiful person, inside and out.
   Thank you for sharing your journey. Hope to see you soon.

   Reply
   • Mary Corrigan says:

     June 5, 2015 at 9:28 am

     Thank you, Connie. Let’s make that happen!

     Reply
3. Elvira Ramos says:

   June 13, 2015 at 7:37 am

   Grateful for your sincerity, deep insights and tender expression. My admirations and love. Lead on you amazing warrior.

   Reply