Transitions – the discomfort zone

 Transition times are paradoxical. At a time when we feel unsettled and in a hurry to return to equilibrium, we are best served by slowing down. Transition takes time and doesn’t happen in the fast lane. Transformation – which every transition invites – cannot happen in our comfort zone.

Transition can be scary and paralyzing if we don’t have the tools to consciously engage uncertainty. The real work in times of transition is how we meet the adversary of fear.

There are 5 domains of transition: health and well-being, work and creativity, relationships, finances, and role identity. Depending on life circumstances we can be in one or several at the same time. As we grow and evolve as human beings we are commonly in some state of transition at any given time.

Over the next few posts I’ll be exploring each of the 5 domains in more depth sharing some of what I’ve learned along the way. Since so many people are in transition with work and creativity (or want to be) let’s start there.

I’m about to turn 60. If you were to describe my career path it resembles a labyrinth with many twists and turns, the trail doubling back on itself at times, and other (rare) times with a straight path to the center. I’ve made several career pivots beginning in my early 20’s when I left a stable job with a stable company that had no heart and meaning for me to go work in the new field of human potential.

Almost 20 years later as I was about to turn 40, I had a “what am I doing with my life” experience where I realized I was nowhere near making the level of contribution I wanted to be making.

I devoted time over the next couple of years to dive deep into what I knew about myself, my gifts and talents, and what I wanted to create in my life. I came up with a big question: “What would it be like to fully express myself creatively in my work, have all the time I wanted with my family, and make a good living.” A key principle that guided me through the process was to be open, not attached, to the outcome.

The result was that I landed in a career that I didn’t even know existed when I set out to make this change. The resources that sustained me through the darker days of uncertainty were curiosity, the sense of being on an adventure, trust in the process, and paying close attention to what showed up along the way.

Many are called but few are listening. – Rev. Andriette Earl

We get cues and clues in life all the time.  We’re often not paying attention or stop to consider what they mean and how they may inform our current transition. A book, a painting at an art show, a conversation with a stranger on a lunch break, a dream or vision we don’t quite understand are all pieces of a puzzle that begin to take form and keep us moving forward. The guidance we are seeking doesn’t always show up in ways we recognize or are familiar with.

Transition is sometimes preceded by restlessness, an unease we can’t seem to put our finger on. Other times it feels like we’re dropped through a trap door called crisis that gives us exactly what we need, only not quite the way we would have wanted it.

Sometimes we have the courage to make a change. Other times we wait for the decision to be made for us. (Like the time I couldn’t bring myself to leave a job I knew I had to leave, and the company went out of business.) In the 12-step world we call that “God doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.”

Transition is a time for big questions, extreme curiosity, strengthening our self worth, trusting our own process, and asking for help.

Discomfort is guaranteed in transition. Many of us focus on alleviating the discomfort rather than diving into the wave in the spirit of discovery. The diving in is the juicy part and where the riches are found. The comfort zone is over rated.

Whatever transition you are in, consider a dive into the wave with me at Women at the Well: Transitions – a retreat to relax, reflect and re-imagine.

Early registration discount until May 5.

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