When it’s Over, it’s Over.

Beginnings, middles and endings.  These are the natural cycles that all life experience moves through. We’re generally better in some and have strengthening work to do in the others.  The first step is to be aware of where we are in the cycle. Each carry a different energy and are accompanied by different emotions.

This is a period of endings in my life – high school graduation, projects launched, completion of a fellows program, and an approaching birthday. I am acutely aware of grief, euphoria, relief and disappointment and am experiencing them simultaneously.

It’s often said that when one door closes another opens.  This is typically presented with an emphasis on the new door — overlooking the internal process of completion with the old.

Ending well is not something we have much intention or consciousness around in our culture.  We’re better at major events like a retirement, graduation or funeral but otherwise there isn’t a formalized structure to honor endings.  Relationships, projects, programs, and learning cycles all have phases that come to an end.  We miss the opportunity to glean wisdom when we cling to the old form or let things fade out without closure.

Attachment to the old form doesn’t allow what’s new to spring to life.  – Angeles Arrien

Honorable closure is a ritual practiced among indigenous people to mark endings.  It acknowledges the impact of the experience and consists of 4 questions:

What am I grateful for from the experience?

Where was I positively impacted?

Where was I stretched or challenged?

Is there anything I need to say or do to feel complete?

This practice allows us the time for reflection and integration before we rush into the next thing.  It helps name the threads that we want to pull through into the future and tie off what we are leaving behind.  It creates the space for the old form to give birth to something new.

What is ending in your life and what are the gifts from the experience?